If only he'd.....

How many times have we heard these words? If only she'd stop complaining, if only he'd take a more active interest in our lives...

...the fact is, if only leads to another if only,  which leads to another if only...

It's kind of like a constant wheel - one in which it is quite difficult to get off of.

RULE: Interpersonal conflicts are not resolved by eradicating differences, but by learning how to manage them

If only we could get <BLAH> to change, then everything would be ok...in fact, this thinking leads to a dependence on <BLAH> .  If we learn to manage our conflicts, accepting they are part of a normal (yes, even healthy) relationship, life becomes, well, more manageable.